I had been watching my crush chat up several different girls all night and the darkness of the bar was the only thing that kept my watering eyes concealed. As my heart dropped to my stomach, I started to walk in his direction for the third time that night and smiled my biggest smile. He smiled back but as I got closer, I realized I was walking up to a line of girls waiting to talk to him. I stopped dead in my tracks and made my way to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I searched the mirror for someone I recognized. Who was this girl who was desperate for a glance from a decent, but definitely not worth it guy? Who was this girl who allowed the actions of others affect her fun? I hadn’t been enjoying the party or my friends because the whole time my mind was on getting my crush’s attention. Those few minutes in the bathroom were a wake-up call.

The ride home was a lonely one and I teared up as I reminded myself that one day God would send a man who only had eyes for me. I vowed to myself to not rush to return his texts or snaps anymore. I was no longer going to inconvenience myself.

I knew my crush wasn’t a bad guy for being a flirt, but I realized we had very different priorities. The problem wasn’t him; it was my willingness to surrender my heart to every man, but Jesus. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Let’s, as my fellow English major friends say, unpack that.

“Above all else”

God starts the verse with “hey before you do anything”. Meaning, before you answer that text or get the perfect lighting for that snap, pause. Lack of self-awareness can honestly be most people’s downfall in romantic situations. Self-awareness is being able to ask yourself the real reasons why you are doing something. I have had moments in my life when I didn’t go to certain parties because I was honest with myself enough to know I was going for the wrong reasons. Think: if you can’t even be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

“Guard your heart”

Something I think we often forget, because popular culture tells us otherwise, is that love and romance are active choices. Attraction is a thought we cannot control, but whether or not we chose to act on that attraction is a choice. We have to choose to guard our hearts. We do that by surrendering to God and setting boundaries in our relationships. Thinking back, people told me that my crush was known for showing interest in multiple people at once. I ignored those little red flags because I thought I would be the difference. I am sorry to tell you that no matter how beautiful you are or wonderful your personality, you cannot change anyone. Only God has the ability to change someone. Plus, as I told my friend the other day, God wants to give you someone ready-made, so stop settling for people who are assembly-required.

“For everything you do flows from it.”

This is the most important part! Our romances affect every aspect of us, whether you realize it or not. Looking back, I did not perform my best athletically or academically when my mind was agonizing over a potential relationship. Maybe you are good at compartmentalizing, but as someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, the wrong relationships have always derailed other aspects of my life. And friends, that is the nature of the enemy—distraction, angst, and just general foolishness. I swear every time I got through each crush, it was like waking up from hibernation—the world continued moving and I missed out on what God had for me in that season. Luckily, God ALWAYS redeems the time if you ask, but try to save yourself the time and heartbreak.

That night, as I fell asleep, a small smile grew on my face. At the end of the day, I was proud of myself. I knew that in the past I had left myself fall harder for people even when I knew their intentions didn’t match mine. This experience was evidence that God had been working in my life and that I was maturing. And that is how we should look at our mistakes—ask God for forgiveness and support but reflect on far you’ve come. God is so proud of us and delights in us. As hard as it is to comprehend sometimes, God’s love doesn’t make us wait in line. We are always His first priority. Date and meet people but stay honest, manage your expectations and always keep prayer at the forefront of your mind.

Are you waiting in line?

Now That My Frontal Lobe Has Developed....

I turned 25 years old this month, and it has been a journey getting here. Scientifically, your brain is supposed to be fully developed at 25, so I guess there is no longer an excuse for being a knucklehead anymore. But the truth is, I still feel 12 years old—unsure of myself, worried about making friends, and fighting off acne on my forehead. All of those challenges remain, except now I have a light bill to pay too.

fearless chronicles: take control of your social media

The other day I was hanging with a friend and their partner. We were discussing Tiktok and the type of content that pops up on our respective feeds. My friend’s partner commented that they wished they could see the type of content we see and sort of threw up their hands as if Tiktok had condemned them to the unfunny side of the app.

fearless chronicles: is therapy all it's cracked up to be?

As a self-proclaimed fearless woman, I thought for 2023, I could talk about the tools that have helped me become a better, more self-aware person. I should preface that I am not a perfect person and I do not strive to be. To me, becoming “THAT GIRL” as Tiktok likes to call any self-assured woman, is about finding peace in solitude, practicing mental and physical wellness, and building healthy relationships with others. It is not about reaching perfection or becoming someone without basic human emotions.

If You Have to Beg, It's Not For You

So, the other day I had a major breakthrough in therapy. I discovered that for most of my life, I have felt the intense need to prove myself to everyone around me. The more distant and disapproving someone was, the more I felt the need to win them over. So much so that I felt annoyed with people who loved me for me, no strings attached.

10 Shows/Movies That Ooze Summer

It’s summer, and it’s time to take that after-pool day shower (a top-tier human experience) and sit down to watch a binegable show. It can be hard to find shows that capture the season, but look no further because I have compiled a list of ten shows that express June-August perfectly!

Girl, Get Out of That Small Town

Just a few days ago, I finished my first year of law school. It took 15 hours of testing and many research and writing assignments to close the door on the first chapter of my legal career. I was and still am pretty wiped out. No one tells you how strange you will feel after finally achieving something you never thought would end, but yeah— it’s really weird. After your adrenaline has been pumping for two weeks straight, you feel a crash. There’s a moment when you realize that the academic validation didn’t feel as good as you imagined it would.

A New Year, A New You!

Hey, besties! Long time no post. Truth time: I have not been as consistent with posting as I planned before beginning this law school journey. Maybe you can relate? Was there something you planned to do this year and totally dropped the ball? Luckily for me and you, we can always make a fresh start, and not just because a new year is approaching. You can choose any day as your new year.

Life Update: Law School & ✨Adulthood ✨

Woah girlies it’s been more than a minute since we last spoke. I can’t believe it’s already October aka Spooky Season! Law school has a way of making time seem slow when you want to speed up and fast when you want to slow down. And the only reason I’m able to write this post is that I’m on fall break, and I knew I had to squeeze some time in to update you all on life as it is now.

Why Self-Love Seems Rebellious

I’ve watched Olympic gymnastics for as long as I can remember. I was named after Olympic gold medalist, Dominique Dawes. I bought books and watched documentaries about Gabby Douglas leading up to and after the 2012 Summer Olympics, hoping to understand more about the petite, but powerful young woman. And slightly related, I was obsessed with the ABC Family show, Make It or Break It, a tv drama about young gymnasts trying to accomplish their Olympic dreams. I say all this to say that when it’s time to watch the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team, I am all in.

When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

Just a couple of scrolls through Instagram, Tiktok, or really any social media platform, you will run into a message about taking charge of your life and “being the main character”. This “main character” message has become so prevalent that just the other day, I saw back-to-back videos encouraging me to “stop being a side character in my own life”. At its core, there is a wholesome message of self love, but it's important not to warp the message into self-centeredness.

6 Ways to Incorporate Sustainability Into Your Summer

My sustainability journey really began in January 2020. I was watching a BestDressed YouTube video when she explained why she thrifts much of her clothing. It intrigued me that a majority of her fabulous collection was secondhand. I couldn’t believe that you could be so fashionable and environmentally ethical. This shock led me to research just how much of an impact fast fashion has on the environment. And I made the decision to only thrift my clothes for a whole year.

Choosing People Who Choose You

I swear I’m not trying to flex when I say this, but my heart is a little too big. By that I mean, it’s too open and available. All it takes is one positive interaction for me to care about someone and to invest in their feelings towards me. The problem with keeping a “For Rent” sign on your heart is that you remain in a constant state of instability and unease.