So, the other day I had a major breakthrough in therapy. I discovered that for most of my life, I have felt the intense need to prove myself to everyone around me. The more distant and disapproving someone was, the more I felt the need to win them over. So much so that I felt annoyed with people who loved me for me, no strings attached. I felt a severe attachment to people who showed me no love or respect, and I maintained my pursuit of their approval, believing I could change their minds about me. I found myself begging “friends” to hang out or for potential romances to show me an ounce of attention. And I clung to whatever breadcrumb they threw my way. (Looking back, I’m a little embarrassed, but you live and learn.) It wasn’t until a few days ago that I realized how wrong that mentality was.

The truth is, we were not put on this Earth to win people over. And to put it plainly, the people who are meant to be in your life will be. You won’t have to beg them to spend time with you or treat you well. They will not see your needs as neediness or your boundaries as a test worth challenging. They’ll make time to see you and care about how you feel. And outside of basic communication, you won’t have to jump through hoops to figure out how they feel about you. They’ll remind you. They’ll just want to be with you because you’re you.

If after reading that you don’t feel like your friends or partner meet that basic standard, then it may be time to reevaluate. And when I say basic standard, I mean it. I used to think a text on my birthday was above and beyond, but a text on your birthday is basic stuff. This didn’t become more clear to me than when I saw a TikTok, featuring two friends playing the “He’s a 10, but…” game, where someone gives a hypothetical man a number based on his attractiveness followed by behavior that might dissuade or persuade you to date him. In this particular video, one friend said, “He’s a 5, but he’s loyal to you.” Her friend turned to her and said, “He’s still a 5. Loyalty is the bare minimum. Raise your standards.” This rocked me to my core. How many people in my life had I been giving raving reviews for doing the bare minimum?? Think about it with me—how many people in your life are giving you 5 energy, when you deserve a 10?

When I really thought about it, a lot of people in my life were not treating me the way I want to be treated. And when I thought about why I kept them in my life, it was out of pure fear of being disliked. Not because I was fearful of losing the so-called value they could add to my life, but because I wanted to be seen and liked by them. And why? What made these people so special? Simply put, because I had to beg for it and I had been conditioned to believe that real love had to be begged for. One of my favorite characters from the show, Industry said the other night, “Stop waiting for approval”. I decided to take his advice and change the way I viewed relationships.

Funny enough, I put this quote on my vision board back in January:

My 2022 resolution is to stop wondering if I’m good enough for other people and start wondering if they’re good enough for me.

It is only now that I see what that looks like. So, instead of chasing the same unfulfilling relationships, I’ve decided to nurture and cherish the genuine ones I have made, as well as open myself up to friendships and relationships in unexpected places, with the conviction that if I don’t feel loved as I am, I will try again elsewhere.

This post has left me feeling pretty vulnerable and exposed, but I thought it important to share because recognizing that I don’t have to beg and convince people to love me has really changed my life. It has been so freeing to know that I am enough. And while I wish I could go back in time and tell little Dom what I know now, I appreciate the journey I took to get here. Moving on from the past, I am most excited about my future and the nourishing relationships that I will attract with a new sense of self-worth.

So please, I beg of you. Really and truly understand that you are as Beyonce says 1 of 1. Nobody on this earth is better than you. You do not have to win people over. You do not have to beg anyone to meet your needs. You do not need people’s approval in order to be whole. You are a lovely, whole, fearless, and exciting person. Find people who recognize and honor that no strings attached. True love is freely given.

Now That My Frontal Lobe Has Developed....

I turned 25 years old this month, and it has been a journey getting here. Scientifically, your brain is supposed to be fully developed at 25, so I guess there is no longer an excuse for being a knucklehead anymore. But the truth is, I still feel 12 years old—unsure of myself, worried about making friends, and fighting off acne on my forehead. All of those challenges remain, except now I have a light bill to pay too.

fearless chronicles: take control of your social media

The other day I was hanging with a friend and their partner. We were discussing Tiktok and the type of content that pops up on our respective feeds. My friend’s partner commented that they wished they could see the type of content we see and sort of threw up their hands as if Tiktok had condemned them to the unfunny side of the app.

fearless chronicles: is therapy all it's cracked up to be?

As a self-proclaimed fearless woman, I thought for 2023, I could talk about the tools that have helped me become a better, more self-aware person. I should preface that I am not a perfect person and I do not strive to be. To me, becoming “THAT GIRL” as Tiktok likes to call any self-assured woman, is about finding peace in solitude, practicing mental and physical wellness, and building healthy relationships with others. It is not about reaching perfection or becoming someone without basic human emotions.

If You Have to Beg, It's Not For You

10 Shows/Movies That Ooze Summer

It’s summer, and it’s time to take that after-pool day shower (a top-tier human experience) and sit down to watch a binegable show. It can be hard to find shows that capture the season, but look no further because I have compiled a list of ten shows that express June-August perfectly!

Girl, Get Out of That Small Town

Just a few days ago, I finished my first year of law school. It took 15 hours of testing and many research and writing assignments to close the door on the first chapter of my legal career. I was and still am pretty wiped out. No one tells you how strange you will feel after finally achieving something you never thought would end, but yeah— it’s really weird. After your adrenaline has been pumping for two weeks straight, you feel a crash. There’s a moment when you realize that the academic validation didn’t feel as good as you imagined it would.

A New Year, A New You!

Hey, besties! Long time no post. Truth time: I have not been as consistent with posting as I planned before beginning this law school journey. Maybe you can relate? Was there something you planned to do this year and totally dropped the ball? Luckily for me and you, we can always make a fresh start, and not just because a new year is approaching. You can choose any day as your new year.

Life Update: Law School & ✨Adulthood ✨

Woah girlies it’s been more than a minute since we last spoke. I can’t believe it’s already October aka Spooky Season! Law school has a way of making time seem slow when you want to speed up and fast when you want to slow down. And the only reason I’m able to write this post is that I’m on fall break, and I knew I had to squeeze some time in to update you all on life as it is now.

Why Self-Love Seems Rebellious

I’ve watched Olympic gymnastics for as long as I can remember. I was named after Olympic gold medalist, Dominique Dawes. I bought books and watched documentaries about Gabby Douglas leading up to and after the 2012 Summer Olympics, hoping to understand more about the petite, but powerful young woman. And slightly related, I was obsessed with the ABC Family show, Make It or Break It, a tv drama about young gymnasts trying to accomplish their Olympic dreams. I say all this to say that when it’s time to watch the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team, I am all in.

When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

Just a couple of scrolls through Instagram, Tiktok, or really any social media platform, you will run into a message about taking charge of your life and “being the main character”. This “main character” message has become so prevalent that just the other day, I saw back-to-back videos encouraging me to “stop being a side character in my own life”. At its core, there is a wholesome message of self love, but it's important not to warp the message into self-centeredness.

6 Ways to Incorporate Sustainability Into Your Summer

My sustainability journey really began in January 2020. I was watching a BestDressed YouTube video when she explained why she thrifts much of her clothing. It intrigued me that a majority of her fabulous collection was secondhand. I couldn’t believe that you could be so fashionable and environmentally ethical. This shock led me to research just how much of an impact fast fashion has on the environment. And I made the decision to only thrift my clothes for a whole year.

Choosing People Who Choose You

I swear I’m not trying to flex when I say this, but my heart is a little too big. By that I mean, it’s too open and available. All it takes is one positive interaction for me to care about someone and to invest in their feelings towards me. The problem with keeping a “For Rent” sign on your heart is that you remain in a constant state of instability and unease.

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