Life Update: Law School & ✨Adulthood ✨

Woah girlies it’s been more than a minute since we last spoke. I can’t believe it’s already October aka Spooky Season! Law school has a way of making time seem slow when you want to speed up and fast when you want to slow down. And the only reason I’m able to write this post is that I’m on fall break, and I knew I had to squeeze some time in to update you all on life as it is now. 

August

What I learned: It’s ok to live in the grey

In August, I made the big move! I went away before for university of course, but this move felt like an adult woman move. Mostly because I actually had furniture to move, rent to pay, and arrangements with moving companies to make. Now, it feels like forever ago, but I remember feeling very anxious and overwhelmed by my move to law school. These feelings only continued on moving day and even after I waved goodbye to my parents from the window. It was like suddenly all of my joy of being on my own was drained from my body and was replaced with fear. I could barely sleep at night and every sound felt like the soundtrack to a horror movie. Even now, I can’t put into words why I felt that so deeply or even why it went away so quickly a week later after going to orientation events. If I’ve learned anything these past few weeks, it’s that the human mind is so strange. It’s odd now to think that I was scared to sleep in my own home when now it’s my favorite place in the whole world. On the other side of adulthood is a rush of independence. Suddenly, choices that were usually decided by the entire family were purely up to me. I could design my house in any way I wanted. Paint the walls! Put a rug down! Hang a mirror! Whatever I wanted. I could eat when and whatever I wanted. (One morning I got up and ate a taco, simply because I could!) So, while I haven’t been a real adult for a long time, I think a huge part of it is living in the grey. Nothing is black and white. Somedays, I feel immense joy and some days I feel deep sadness. Somedays, I feel like I can do anything and somedays I wish I could hop into bed with my parents. In August, I learned that that is perfectly ok.

September

What I learned: While it doesn’t fix everything, gratitude goes a long way

I started school and got the wind knocked out of me. I knew law school would be difficult, but I was not prepared for social isolation and loneliness. For the whole month of September, I felt like perhaps I made a mistake. I couldn’t wait to go home for a break and felt so disappointed in how my life was going. Most of my prayers became me begging God to show me why He brought me to such a miserable place. Every night, I felt hopeless. My mom encouraged me to take a little time out of my day to acknowledge the things that were going right in my life—even if it was super small. So before going to bed, I started thinking about a few things that went well that day. I started VERY small in the beginning. I thanked God for a nice home, a tasty lunch, and a laugh with a classmate before class started. Nowadays, I can think of more than three. This exercise didn’t solve all of my problems and I still have feelings of despair and loneliness, but it did get me to realize that there are so many things I take for granted. And I’ve come to believe that another aspect of adulthood is learning to celebrate the small wins. Maybe it’s that you had a good meal or that you accomplished a task at work. Maybe it’s just that you woke up today. There is always something to say thank you for. And when you do that, your brain comes out of a mindset of loss or lack and into a mindset of gratitude and celebration. I don’t have everything I want. Sometimes, I feel what’s missing so deeply, but you and I have to be careful not to miss out on the things we have now that we used to pray for. A grateful heart does not solve everything but it goes a long way.

October

So here we are now. I’m finally on a holiday break from school in pj's and I’m pretty excited for what I’ll learn this month. I’m trying to see life like an advent tree, every day brings a new treat and a new lesson. I have no idea who I’ll be in a year, but I am so excited to share with you and to hopefully look back in a few months with joy that I overcame the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I think over this break I came to the realization that no matter the struggles, I will be ok. And sometimes knowing you’ll be ok is enough. If you are feeling similarly, I would encourage you to come on this journey of mindset change. If you’re thriving and living with a gratitude mindset, please pray for me and drop some words of wisdom below, so we can all benefit. 

As always I love you sisters and pray for you all!