There are some days when it feels like people have more negative things to say than positive. Now I understand that the line between constructive criticism and negativity is a delicate one to walk, but I am a firm believer that you are the driver of your peace car. This means that you and only you are in charge of what commentary you’re willing to take in and who to take it from. I have struggled with this idea for many years and still don’t have it all together, but here are some of the ways I maintain my peace.

1) Kill the messenger.

I don’t believe in “don’t kill the messenger”. The person giving the criticism definitely matters and it’s unrealistic to believe they don’t. You have to make sure that the people giving criticism actually know you and respect your boundaries. Also, it’s perfectly ok to designate certain topics to different people in your life. For example, when it comes to relationships and body image, I only ask for criticism from my mother because I know for sure what her motivations are and that she would never say anything to hurt me. When it comes to day-to-day situations, I mostly rely on my closest friends to provide honest feedback, because I know we are encountering similar experiences. This system works for me and you should find a system that works for you.

2) Stand in your truth and take everything with a grain of salt.

It’s also important to view criticism through a biblical lens. You should welcome feedback, but also pray about it. Even when my closest confidantes give me feedback, I pray about it. God can use people to speak to you, but He will always confirm if it is Him speaking. Dust off your bible and see if what your friends are saying aligns with what Your Heavenly Father is saying. This can be tough to do, as surrendering always is, but very important. This particular point has been so challenging for me in college. So many people try to tell me daily that being set apart is a bad thing. There have been days when I sat in my room worried that I was, like they were saying “missing out on vital experiences”. With lots of prayer and constant confirmation, God has shown me that I am doing exactly what I am called to do. So, take in criticism, but follow it up with the Word. Also remember that what God promises to you will not make sense to most people.

3) Lastly, determine what is up for debate.

We live in such a combative culture now. It seems like everything is up for discussion, including very personal matters. It’s up to you to steer your peace car down a road you’re comfortable with. Most of the times I’ve let discouragement seep into my heart were when I allowed conversations, I was not comfortable with to occur. Maybe it was with a person I knew was judgmental of the way I lived my life or maybe it was with people who weren’t privy to the promises God has made to me. During those conversations, I often forgot to pay attention to the messenger and to go back and check if it aligned with God’s truth. Looking back, I wouldn’t have even reached such a low point of discouragement if I had just decided from the beginning that my personal life wasn’t up for debate. We totally have the power to set this boundary. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t.

I hope this is helpful and that you are able to differentiate between negativity and constructive criticism. And take note, often times the people trying to discourage you aren’t as happy as they try to appear. Stand firm—you got this!

Now That My Frontal Lobe Has Developed....

I turned 25 years old this month, and it has been a journey getting here. Scientifically, your brain is supposed to be fully developed at 25, so I guess there is no longer an excuse for being a knucklehead anymore. But the truth is, I still feel 12 years old—unsure of myself, worried about making friends, and fighting off acne on my forehead. All of those challenges remain, except now I have a light bill to pay too.

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The other day I was hanging with a friend and their partner. We were discussing Tiktok and the type of content that pops up on our respective feeds. My friend’s partner commented that they wished they could see the type of content we see and sort of threw up their hands as if Tiktok had condemned them to the unfunny side of the app.

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As a self-proclaimed fearless woman, I thought for 2023, I could talk about the tools that have helped me become a better, more self-aware person. I should preface that I am not a perfect person and I do not strive to be. To me, becoming “THAT GIRL” as Tiktok likes to call any self-assured woman, is about finding peace in solitude, practicing mental and physical wellness, and building healthy relationships with others. It is not about reaching perfection or becoming someone without basic human emotions.

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Girl, Get Out of That Small Town

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A New Year, A New You!

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Life Update: Law School & ✨Adulthood ✨

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Why Self-Love Seems Rebellious

I’ve watched Olympic gymnastics for as long as I can remember. I was named after Olympic gold medalist, Dominique Dawes. I bought books and watched documentaries about Gabby Douglas leading up to and after the 2012 Summer Olympics, hoping to understand more about the petite, but powerful young woman. And slightly related, I was obsessed with the ABC Family show, Make It or Break It, a tv drama about young gymnasts trying to accomplish their Olympic dreams. I say all this to say that when it’s time to watch the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team, I am all in.

When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

Just a couple of scrolls through Instagram, Tiktok, or really any social media platform, you will run into a message about taking charge of your life and “being the main character”. This “main character” message has become so prevalent that just the other day, I saw back-to-back videos encouraging me to “stop being a side character in my own life”. At its core, there is a wholesome message of self love, but it's important not to warp the message into self-centeredness.

6 Ways to Incorporate Sustainability Into Your Summer

My sustainability journey really began in January 2020. I was watching a BestDressed YouTube video when she explained why she thrifts much of her clothing. It intrigued me that a majority of her fabulous collection was secondhand. I couldn’t believe that you could be so fashionable and environmentally ethical. This shock led me to research just how much of an impact fast fashion has on the environment. And I made the decision to only thrift my clothes for a whole year.

Choosing People Who Choose You

I swear I’m not trying to flex when I say this, but my heart is a little too big. By that I mean, it’s too open and available. All it takes is one positive interaction for me to care about someone and to invest in their feelings towards me. The problem with keeping a “For Rent” sign on your heart is that you remain in a constant state of instability and unease.

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