This blog post was written in late February when I was still studying abroad. I rediscovered it and thought it would be relevant to post even though it was written in a completely different moment. I hope you enjoy it!

You can ask anyone who knows me, I’ve been a romantic my whole life. My favorite books and movies all center around romance. Growing up, I believed in this “Cinderella” storyline—that my life would “start” when I met my prince charming. I believed that my life would be marked by the moment we met. And when something like this moment didn’t come at what I deemed an acceptable age, I was pretty lost. 

I realized that for the longest time, all my value was tied up in an imaginary person and that I had no idea when I would fall in love but focusing on this future moment was really stealing joy from my present. 

To be clear, I do believe that there is a man out in the world right now who will be my husband, but I no longer believe my life mission is to find him. 

I want to talk about this because I know I allowed a fantasy to prevent me from seeing the beauty of the present. For example, when I first arrived in Canada to study abroad, I was struggling spiritually because I felt extremely lonely, but instead of praying for friendship, I immediately thought about how a change in my relationship status would improve my situation. Let me tell you, it did not. This feeling of inexplicable unhappiness especially hit hard around Valentine’s Day. Looking back, I turned a very normal feeling of nervousness from being in a new place into the beginning of a romantic comedy—for NO REASON. Not to mention, I was failing to really take in the beauty of the city I was in and how blessed I was to be studying abroad—SOMETHING I PRAYED FOR IN MY PRAYER JOURNAL. {I’m mentally slapping myself right now.}

I’m sitting in a coffee shop writing this post, listening to this new amazing artist with a warm mug of Jasmine tea. And I can’t really explain it, but for the first time in my life, I feel at home within myself. I don’t feel like a piece is missing and I don’t look for my husband in every room. It feels pretty good. I can’t pinpoint to one specific moment when everything changed within me, but I do remember a recent teary phone call with a sweet, Godly friend of mine. After I ranted about how angry I was at God for a long waiting period, she simply asked me what my hobbies were. And after a few awkward moments, I realized her meaning. She explained to me how much of a gift this time in my life was. I had the total freedom to explore the world without baggage or responsibility to anyone besides myself. My only job was to know God and know myself. 

And after that conversation, I began to see the world with new eyes. My singleness was an advantage and not a burden. I became more grateful for other answered prayers and I felt God remind me to trust Him.

And I wish that for you as well, sister. Whether you are single, dating, or married, it is so important that you are deeply planted within yourself because when you aren’t, you start to take the gifts of the present for granted. There are a few specific areas of my life that I realized I really didn’t know about myself. I suggest that you pray and meditate on these areas to see if you can answer these reflection questions confidently. 

• Relationship with God

  • How is your relationship with Him? What are you doing right now, in the present, to make this relationship stronger?

• Sense of Style

  • Have you dedicated time to figuring out your unique style? Do you feel comfortable and fun in all of your clothes? Do your clothes feel unique to you?

• Health

  • Have you taken the time to invest in your health and wellness? Do you find ways to stay active? Do you take time to pray, meditate, or rest? Have you found a therapist?

• Food

  • Do you invest in fresh foods? Do you make food that is good for the body and soul? Do you try new recipes? Do you try food from different cultures when you eat out?

• Mind

  • Do you read books that enrich your life? Do you listen to podcasts? Do you watch documentaries? Do you read the newspaper? Do you go to the theater?

• Friendship

  • Do you have friends that uplift and encourage you? Do you have friends that further your faith? Do you have purely platonic friends of the opposite gender? Do you or your friends make it a priority to call or hang?

• Music

  • Do you look for non-mainstream artists? Do you have a favorite genre? Do you go to live shows?

• Dreams

  • Do you have a list of goals for your life? Do you have plans to achieve these goals? Do you have short-term goals that you are striving for now?

 The overall question to think about is, how are you finding beauty in the present? How can you maximize this time, RIGHT NOW, to better yourself and others around you? How can you create a romantic life, one not dependent on the presence of a significant other, but one full of joy and love?

Let me know in the comments what you’re learning about yourself.