I had been watching my crush chat up several different girls all night and the darkness of the bar was the only thing that kept my watering eyes concealed. As my heart dropped to my stomach, I started to walk in his direction for the third time that night and smiled my biggest smile. He smiled back but as I got closer, I realized I was walking up to a line of girls waiting to talk to him. I stopped dead in my tracks and made my way to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I searched the mirror for someone I recognized. Who was this girl who was desperate for a glance from a decent, but definitely not worth it guy? Who was this girl who allowed the actions of others affect her fun? I hadn’t been enjoying the party or my friends because the whole time my mind was on getting my crush’s attention. Those few minutes in the bathroom were a wake-up call. 

 The ride home was a lonely one and I teared up as I reminded myself that one day God would send a man who only had eyes for me. I vowed to myself to not rush to return his texts or snaps anymore. I was no longer going to inconvenience myself. 

 I knew my crush wasn’t a bad guy for being a flirt, but I realized we had very different priorities. The problem wasn’t him; it was my willingness to surrender my heart to every man, but Jesus. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Let’s, as my fellow English major friends say, unpack that.

“Above all else”

God starts the verse with “hey before you do anything”. Meaning, before you answer that text or get the perfect lighting for that snap, pause. Lack of self-awareness can honestly be most people’s downfall in romantic situations. Self-awareness is being able to ask yourself the real reasons why you are doing something. I have had moments in my life when I didn’t go to certain parties because I was honest with myself enough to know I was going for the wrong reasons. Think: if you can’t even be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? 

“Guard your heart”

Something I think we often forget, because popular culture tells us otherwise, is that love and romance are active choices. Attraction is a thought we cannot control, but whether or not we chose to act on that attraction is a choice. We have to choose to guard our hearts. We do that by surrendering to God and setting boundaries in our relationships. Thinking back, people told me that my crush was known for showing interest in multiple people at once. I ignored those little red flags because I thought I would be the difference. I am sorry to tell you that no matter how beautiful you are or wonderful your personality, you cannot change anyone. Only God has the ability to change someone. Plus, as I told my friend the other day, God wants to give you someone ready-made, so stop settling for people who are assembly-required. 

“For everything you do flows from it.”

This is the most important part! Our romances affect every aspect of us, whether you realize it or not. Looking back, I did not perform my best athletically or academically when my mind was agonizing over a potential relationship. Maybe you are good at compartmentalizing, but as someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, the wrong relationships have always derailed other aspects of my life. And friends, that is the nature of the enemy—distraction, angst, and just general foolishness. I swear every time I got through each crush, it was like waking up from hibernation—the world continued moving and I missed out on what God had for me in that season. Luckily, God ALWAYS redeems the time if you ask, but try to save yourself the time and heartbreak. 

That night, as I fell asleep, a small smile grew on my face. At the end of the day, I was proud of myself. I knew that in the past I had left myself fall harder for people even when I knew their intentions didn’t match mine. This experience was evidence that God had been working in my life and that I was maturing. And that is how we should look at our mistakes—ask God for forgiveness and support but reflect on far you’ve come. God is so proud of us and delights in us. As hard as it is to comprehend sometimes, God’s love doesn’t make us wait in line. We are always His first priority. Date and meet people but stay honest, manage your expectations and always keep prayer at the forefront of your mind.  

Are you waiting in line?