Woah, do you even remember me? It’s fearless Dom. Long time no see. [no rhyme intended]

As a self-proclaimed fearless woman, I thought for 2023, I could talk about the tools that have helped me become a better, more self-aware person. I should preface that I am not a perfect person and I do not strive to be. To me, becoming “THAT GIRL” as Tiktok likes to call any self-assured woman, is about finding peace in solitude, practicing mental and physical wellness, and building healthy relationships with others. It is not about reaching perfection or becoming someone without basic human emotions. It’s important to note that talking points like “finding peace in solitude” sound simple in theory, but I saw over the course of 2022 how difficult it was to put any of these ideas into practice—and then, don’t even get me started on maintaining them.

One of the most challenging aspects of working on yourself is addressing your mental health. We see messages everywhere that therapy is absolutely necessary to become a “better person” and it can start to feel like having a therapist is the marker of mental wellness. Recently, an article came out in the NYTimes addressing the rising snobbish feeling about access to therapy. The truth is, there isn’t a lot of evidence that therapy makes you a better person. In fact, the article pointed out that some people use the fact that they’re in therapy to justify their bad behavior or to seem more emotionally intelligent than people who maybe can’t afford the expensive treatment.

Personally, therapy has changed my life for the better, but it is important to note that therapy is a tool and you can have several types of tools in the toolbox. Every couple of weeks, I log on and chat with a licensed therapist that I trust and while she is invaluable to my growth, I quickly realized within the first few sessions that she was sort of a helpful bystander to the internal work I had to do. Obviously different therapists have different tactics, but across the board you have to go into therapy with a idea about what you want to work on. Many people walk into therapy knowing something is off with there mental health, but aren’t sure what they would like to address. Unfortunately, in therapy, time is literally money, so it is crucial that you work with your therapist on a game plan. For me, I knew as a former people-pleaser, I desperately needed help with setting boundaries in my relationships and detaching my self-worth from the opinions of strangers. My therapist has informed me that these qualities may never go away permanently, but we have worked consistently on tools I may use when faced with situations in which I find myself reverting back to old habits. Additionally, we’ve discussed activities I can do when I feel anxiety on the horizon, such as coloring, crocheting, or baking.

The last point I made is what I hope to impart to you today. Therapy is not the end all be all. You absolutely don’t need to have a therapist in order to practice mental wellness. Therapy is a singular tool. Other tools can include, talking with a trusted friend, taking a walk, doing a puzzle, playing with a pet, or journaling. Mental wellness is about practicing behaviors that bring you back to a calm state. And all of this has to be done with the intention of being more mentally well. Therapy or really any mental wellness tactic does not make you well if you’re not willing to do the work. If you struggle with particular issues, perhaps research books or articles written by licensed professionals on how to mitigate the associated behaviors. Take the first step towards mental wellness with the knowledge that there are many ways to be mentally well!

Thank you for reading the first article in my new series, “fearless chronicles”, where I discuss the pathways to becoming a better you. Every month, I’ll discuss a new topic regarding mental and physical wellness with the hope that it provides you with some tools for the future.